I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
