I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
