Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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