My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize