help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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