I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
