I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
