The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This is my gift to your gina
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
