Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i was born a porn star she said
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
