Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
