All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
