Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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