Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize