I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
