I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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