i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
