my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
