I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
