brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
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Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
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I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.