When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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