Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
id be glad to
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
