I think im going to throw up on grandma
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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