he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
