Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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