You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
