someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
