she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
