i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
