doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
