If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
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I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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