you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
