I am puke
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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