Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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