It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
