I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
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She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
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he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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