you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
