Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
