I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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