I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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