I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
