You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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