I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
