I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
