party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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