Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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