four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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