Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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