you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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