woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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