it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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