bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
