is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
