Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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