The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
