i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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