i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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