I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He? As in you personified your dick?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
