remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
