also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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