My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
