I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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