first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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