did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Moan for me like Helen Keller
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
