So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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