I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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