I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
