I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
