take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
